This is my life! I’m happy living it???

So, here I am, laying in bed, feeling incredibly fatigued and inspired to write. Was trying to figure something out, when I came across this lil gem. It says, “This is my life & I’m happy to be living it.” Wow! This made me reflect…a lot. This is my life, yes. I’m happy to be living it….well, if I’m honest, I haven’t been very happy since being ill. I’ve had happy moments, yes. But, man, does it feel ever so much more difficult to find the happy. Am I happy, really happy, living my life? I probably haven’t been as I compare myself to others my age, imagine how others view and judge me, compare now to then (you know, before illness) and just having a desire for things to be better. This made me reflect on something else I saw this morning that went along these lines…
‘God doesn’t always change the conditions, but He is always in the situation.’
This was another WOW moment for me. Do I need to wait until I’m better, feeling better, doing better, til things are looking better, to be happy? Of course not! Laying in bed, feeling fatigued, didn’t get dressed today, house is a mess, couldn’t keep up with my youngest child today, and I started to feel those feelings of despair and depression. But, you know what? Even healthy people have messy houses, have PJ days, take naps, and have times they can’t keep up with their young children. Just the other day someone said to me that my house is cleaner than most. 😊 And, that day, I struggled to get everything done I wanted done before our company showed up. I decided in my mind that I was going to do what I could and that’s all I could do and it was enough. And….it was. Today, I’m weighed down, having a hard time functioning. But, out of that, I’ll be grateful. For what? A bed I can lay in. No one stopped by while I was in PJs. My kiddos got their basic needs met. My lil one still takes a nap. Music. Uplifting things on social media that I come across. Friends sharing things that uplift me. (((Hugs))) and kisses from my babies. Soft oversized blankets. My spouse. Good days. Yesterday, I got shopping done. Flowers…bought myself some when I went shopping yesterday. Time to sit with my mom and just talk. Reflection. My laundry will get done and house will get cleaned when I’m feeling better. It’s not every day I feel sick. It will pass. Thankful I’m getting the option to lay down and rest. Pillows. The internet. You reading this. I’m alive. Still have a heartbeat. My words. Written words can inspire. My voice…and I will start speaking life, more positively. This is my life. Did I ask for it to go this way? No. Who, in their right mind, would? Who really enjoys being sick? Not most people. But, I will still be happy to have life. It may be harder to find the happiness, the joy, the beauty, but I will not stop looking for it. Just because I’m fatigued and completely worn out (way outta my plans for the day), doesn’t mean I have to be depressed and feel despair. I just need to rest. That’s ok. Tomorrow may be better and more productive, it might go more according to plan. In the meantime, I will rest and be gentle with myself.

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One comment on “This is my life! I’m happy living it???

  1. How awesome and inspiring to read your words. It’s funny how we are sometimes so much harder on ourselves than we should be. Our condition (for me Fibromyalgia) prevents us from being “normal.” But we measure this normal by what we used to be. Yes, it’s an ordeal adjusting to our “new normal.” But each of us is unique and we each have our own way to adapt to our limitations. Yes, it does hurt to not be able to pursue interests and activities that we enjoyed in the past, but we can still do valuable things. We just have to do them more slowly, more carefully. We must take care not to do too much on our good days. But, all in all, we still have our minds, our education, our curious nature, our love of all those things we can no longer comfortably do. But we can teach others, we can inspire others, we can love just as deeply as before our “illness.” And, most importantly, we must never forget our value, never forget that we deserve to be treated well, with respect, by others and most importantly by ourselves. We forget it’s OK to be gentle with ourselves, to take the time we need to rest and to forgive ourselves when we seemingly fall short of our own expectations. Gentle hugs to you and to all who are living with illness, invisible or otherwise. My constant prayer is for healing to all who suffer.

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