It’s So Tiring

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Laying in bed. First, it was an incredible amount of pain. Then, the fatigue hit and sent me to bed. Fighting for so much, to listen to my body, to accept how much my life has changed, to know this will be used for good, to stay positive, to not give up, to stay afloat. Unless you’ve experienced such a thing, you cannot imagine how much strength it takes just to survive. It’s tiring and frustrating and lonely. The misconceptions about the fatigue and the fight it takes, makes it more frustrating. Sure, it seems like all I’m doing is nothing. But, in fact, I’m fighting my body to stay strong. I’m fighting my mind to stay positive. I’m fighting between what I want to do and what I’m able to do. I’m fighting the very misconceptions that brought me to this post. I’m fighting to survive the pain, fatigue, fog, depression, and anxiety. I’m fighting between being content and feeling frustrated. I’m fighting a battle I feel like no one sees, except me and God. The doctors don’t even fully grasp this monster. The meds don’t help much. I’m fighting this monster with all I’ve got, but, I feel like the odds are against me and I’m getting weak. I know I’ll get through this bout of a flare, but, dang it, I’m so tired of fighting. It shouldn’t be this hard just to function and stay alive. I’m not lazy, I’m not unmotivated, I’m not any of those things you may have in your mind of what I am just because I do less and rest more. I’m sick. I’m ill. My body is tired so often and, sometimes, it’s just so very overwhelming. If you only knew my deepest thoughts as I fight the toughest battle I’ve had to fight to date. It’s incredibly difficult. I pray for strength as I dig deeper to find it. I hang on to hope, though it seems distant right now. I just want to feel better. But, if not, Lord, help me. Help me to endure. I know I’m not given anything I cannot handle. Remind me that I can do this. I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again. Right now, I’m not looking ahead because that is just too overwhelming and scary. So, for now, I look at the moment as I lay in bed and pray for strength. It’s somewhere. I just wish people knew how hard this is without dismissing it. But, Lord, I know You understand. Help me! I have to have faith that You will bring me through. I have faith that You are using this for my good and for Your glory. Help me do the difficult, although not impossible. Lord, please open more eyes to this reality and more hearts to show compassion. Please show others that they are not alone. You Are Much Greater Than My Pain
I’m Worn

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By LifeWithFibro Posted in Faith

3 comments on “It’s So Tiring

  1. Wow. Perfectly described! Shared on my fb , with ur permission. I posted for people to like ur blog too!

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